The Chase Theatre Educators Fellowship Program seeks to provide support for professional development needs and artistic revitalization for outstanding theatre teachers in Los Angeles County.  Educators may design individualized courses of study that will provide engagement in their own creative work, the opportunity interact with other professional theatre artists and educators, and the ability to stay current with new teaching practices and resources.

Reposted from the Center Theatre Group Chase Fellowship blog.

Here we are in Week Two and we’re finally starting to get somewhere. The girls have started telling secrets in their journals for me to read later. They even share the secrets on occasion. And some of the secrets tear them apart, tear me apart. The girls are not quite mature enough to engage in conversations about one another’s issues, so I reply to the girls in their journals and we have a dialogue there. It’s a safe place. Hopefully, after I leave, the journal continues to be a safe place for them to express themselves – an outlet for all their experiences, the triumphs and the trials.

Most of the campers have serious rage and anger management struggles. They are quick to hit or kick anyone who SEEMS to be insulting them, judging them, confronting them… And the hitting and kicking never end. “She said this so I hit her and then she hit me so I hit her back,” etc and so forth. On the field trip today, one of my girls hauled off and kneed a boy in the groin without even thinking twice, and while she admitted that she regretted it later, she wouldn’t apologize to him. It’s ACT FIRST, think later – or never at all.

One girl, Kirstyn, returned to the fold this week. Last week, she chose to be with the popular group of girls – you know the ones: they’re mean, they gossip, they make other girls feel bad about themselves. I’m so proud of Kirstyn. She knows what she wants and needs, and was brave enough to defy the group and do what she feels is right for her. The girls and I had a little circle chat about going deeper and taking a risk on paper. The girls with big secrets and big pain were the first ones to grab their journals and pens. Kirstyn was in tears before she even opened the journal. She’s 12 years old and her anguish is that close to the surface. Hers is a story of abandonment by her father. The kids were supposed to stay with him while their mom was away on business and, when they arrived, he walked out the door and drove away. He left the kids standing there, confused and scared, and he never came back. Knowing this story, I better understand the connection between Kirstyn and her little sister. The little one is always looking for her sister and doesn’t like to be away from her. And Kirstyn is fiercely protective of her sister, determined to be dependable and steady. This girl is mighty.

Remember Kora? This week’s new find? Kora continues to struggle with her mother. The struggle is significant, it’s at the very root of her being. Kora has started cutting herself to keep from hurting her mother. I am always completely undone when I learn that a child is cutting herself. I read about it, I watch documentaries about it, and my heart breaks a million times over for anyone who needs to cut herself to cope with her pain. And so I keep Kora close; I celebrate her. I’d bring her back to L.A. if I could. Kora has a poetry journal and she’s been sharing her writings. She truly is amazing. You should read her pantoum on the goddess Venus. Holy cow!

Today, I only taught one class because we had to go on a field trip. We went to the Mint, which was operational from the early 1800s to WWII. There was a special exhibit called Target America – the effects of drugs on America. The exhibit made Kirstyn and Kora withdraw. They were disturbed and sad. In each room, they’d engage and then go find a corner to sit apart from the others. I’ll give them an opportunity to write about this tomorrow, time permitting.

Back to the class. It was the big girls. We did that thing where you stand in a circle and the moderator says: If you live in New Orleans, step forward. Step back. If you have brother or sisters, step forward. Step back. You get the picture. So, I said: If you plan to go to college, step forward. Kora didn’t step forward and Nykia was surprised and said, “What? You’re not going to college?” Well, we almost came to blows right there in the circle. Kora felt she was being judged and went on the attack. I tried to explain that an observation or reaction of surprise is not a judgment – it’s a curiosity. It took a while to get back to neutral, but it gave me a deeper view of Kora’s anger, which she writes about in her journal. Poor Nykia. She didn’t know what was going on. She’s the quiet one who zones out and always needs things explained multiple times. She truly does not listen most of the time. She’s a very good girl, from a stable family with married parents. She’s quiet, wears glasses, dresses neatly and sits at the edge of the other girls – by choice. I have my work cut out for me, yes?

If you’re wondering, my big girls will enter 6th, 7th or 8th grade this Fall. They’re actually still little girls on the inside – or they should be, they deserve to be.

On the big boys front: new boy! Aspen! He is smart and willing and articulate. He goes to a top notch charter school and arrived late in the season to camp because he was at an engineering camp for two weeks. During relaxation, he had his cell phone in his shorts and was texting some girl. Not in the pocket, in his shorts! I didn’t know what was going on at first – it looked indecent and then I figured it out. We now have cell phone shake downs at the top of class. The big boys have decided that Miss Jane is okay and I have 15 of them in my class. What???? It’s crazy. Only a handful actually write anything or take risks, but I keep trying. The core group continues to thrill me: Kyron, Ashton, Jamar, Nathaniel, Ivan and Ahmad – and now Aspen. I asked the boys to write about their fathers and Aspen volunteered to talk to the camera about his dad. I love this kid! Writing is an ongoing problem with this bunch, as they perform light years below grade level. I refuse to give up. This is an example of Anthony’s writing. He’s 14 years old. I had the kids write their names and then tell me what their names look like, smell like, sound like, taste like and feel like. I love that he thinks his name looks like the readout on a heart monitor. Great image. I wish he was comfortable with writing, because he has a good imagination and he’s a very kind boy. His little sister is Jada – the little girl who hasn’t uttered a sound in class and only speaks to me when no one else is around.

Tomorrow, I have fun questionnaires for them and I AM poems for them to create. Both the boys and girls are looking forward to that. I’ll start off with blind exercises to explore trust issues and following direction, then move on to the writing. I’ll pay special attention to the boys who struggle with language. This should give me enough stuff to craft a presentation for the last day of camp.

I’m distracted by the fact that we have to do a short presentation and I know that no one wants to get up and tell sad stories. Johnny is helping me through this one. He told me that it’s my job to gather ALL the stories, but it’s my responsibility to give them the chance to celebrate their power and all that is RIGHT in their lives. When I get back to L.A., my job will be to write a play and tell a true story for other teens to perform. Johnny is wise – and wonderful. Thank you for talking me out of my tree, BrotherBones.

I have to tell you how therapeutic this blog is. I certainly don’t expect anyone to read all this. I’m a very talkative person and I’m all alone out here. As a result, I talk a lot to the blog. To those who read it and watch the videos and send comments, I am grateful. You are troopers! When I get back to Los Angeles, we should all meet at Ragin’ Cajun in Hermosa Beach. I want to hear YOUR stories! xo